What do our Mother's Know about Relationships?

I was watching an episode of Tiny & Toya. The episode I am speaking about is when Tiny drops T.I. off to jail. She comes to her mom's house afterwards and discusses with her mom her sadness about TIP being in jail. What shocked me the most was that her mom was actually supportive. Her mom tells her to stick by her man and love him through this process. I have laughed about the countriness of Tiny and her mom but I also envy the connection they have. Her mom has taught her daughter how to be a supportive wife and good mother.

Our mom's are our heroes, confidantes, and at times the wisest person we know. We look up to them as the supreme being of a WOMAN. We have seen them through marraiges, divorces and dating. Why wouldn't they be all knowing when it comes to matters of the heart? Sadly they are not. They are just like our girlfriends that we go to for advice. They don't have all the answers...

Ask yourself these questions:
a.) Does she take her own advice?
b.) Does she have a bitter attitude towards men. If she does, you will be better off doing the opposite of what she tells you. I would compare her to a single girlfriend who can't keep a man.
c.) Look at her marriage. This is the most important. How does she treat her spouse? Is it with love? Are their words of encouragement between them. Do they openly express thier love for each other? Are they affectionate towards each other?

Some mother's teach their daughter to be strong, which is excellent, but at times it can be a downfall. Have we been taught to nurture our men, to love and support them? I was taught to show that I can do it on my own with or without a man. It's good to have some independence but not at the cost of your relationship. It's okay to tell your man you love him and believe in him. It's okay to show him affection when you see him.

Ladies, at the end of the day, when our hearts are broken the easiest person to run to is our mom's. We want them to tell us we are okay. We have to know from the inside that we are okay. If you are in a wonderful relationship that your mom doesn't approve of, you must have that trust within yourself to know that you know yourself better than anyone. Better yet, if you have a break up and your mom tells you not to cry or toughen up please know that it is okay to grieve a lost relationship. It doesn't take your black strong woman card. You will always have that, because it's in your ancestry.

Our mom's do things out of love. I think they become critical when they do not want us to make the same mistakes they did. You are human. You will make mistakes. Mistakes are good. They help us not to navigate back towards that path.

Our mom's love us and will do almost anything to avoid us from being hurt in a relationship. Mom's are humans. We must remember that. They have been hurt, abused, and loved. If your mom can't direct you towards being a strong, nurturing, loving wife and mother, steer clear from her advice. Listen, but listen to your inner self more. Mom's want to always remain our heroes. Take their advice, but with caution.

Divas Dating Guide

Alright ladies. There has been lots of talk about how bad the dating scene is. I hear the quality is bad. The quantity is bad. I hear statements such as 'they're either married, gay or in jail." A lot of you are just down right disappointed with your dating life. Especially here in Atlanta where there's talk of a 17:1 women to men ratio.

I want to help our single sisters out. Here are a few things we think can turn your dormant dating life into an active one.

1. Go where the men go! Women have responded negatively to this suggestion. Some have said that it sounds 'desperate'. No, that's not desperate, that's proactive. You can't complain about being single if you stay in your home everyday or if you go to 'women only' events. Suggestions: Car and Bike shows, sports bars, football games.
2. Always look your best (you should be doing this for yourself anyways). Men are visual beings. If you're walking around looking like his tomboy baby sister, you will not catch his eye. Some of you think naked is synonymous with looking your best or even sexy. THAT IS NOT TRUE! A women can be in a bad a** tailored suit and be the sexiest person in the room.
3. HEELS! HEELS! HEELS! Stilettos at all times. Period. There is a clear difference in what kind of men approach you when you have sneakers or flats on versus stilettos. Again, men are visuals and there is nothing sexier than a chick in stilettos.
4. Be pleasant. We tend to shut men out before anything is said. When you walk in a room you should be smiling and speaking. It's not going to kill you to say "hello". Although they may never admit this, but men get intimidated easy. Help them break the ice by being approachable.
5. Dance when asked. If you're at a night club and the ugly duckling asks you to dance, you should say yes. Stop acting like he asked for your hand in marriage. Other men are paying attention to this. When you're done, say thank you with a SMILE.
6. Get online. Online dating is no longer taboo. There are reputable sites out there you can join. I suggest the ones that charge a fee to be a member. Not $5 a month either. If he's paying for a membership then he probably takes dating seriously. Also, stop believing in the negative stereotypes of online dating. It does not mean your desperate and no, not all men online are serial killers!
7. Be happy single. When something is wrong, you typically try to fix it. This may cause you to be in a rush to be with someone. If men feel like you are pressed to be in a relationship or married, they'll Usain Bolt you - RUN!
8. Love yourself! Men can sniff out a weak women a mile away. They know if you're insecure. Most men are attracted to a confident woman. As cliche-ish as this may sound, but when you're happy on the inside it shows on the outside. It's all about confidence, how you carry yourself and what you exude. That's SWAGGER and they love it!

I'm a firm believer you attract what you give out. So look inside ladies. Maybe you're giving off something that only attracts the men you're complaining about. Now throw on that cute dress, some stilettos and put on that smile and go get 'em!

Sexism Is Very Much Alive

It all started with a Facebook query from my cocoalicious cohort Anjel Marie, "What do you think about a guy with a tattoo on the small of his back? lol". I'm sure most can guess that the response overwhelmingly proclaimed this fictitious man gay. Her next question asks us to think of why this isn't an acceptable expression for men. I have no answer. It just isn't. Even my gay friends agree that that would be suspect, presuming that only a gay man would be adventurous enough to tattoo his lower back with a "tramp stamp."

Why is it acceptable for women to get tattoo sleeves, something once and still widely perceived as manly but a man can't flip the script, so to say. It's because there was not a man liberation movement. Men can't be sensitive, men can't be caring and nurturing without someone raising an eyebrow. I know some men that won't get a pedicure just because they don't even want anyone to think for a second that there is any "sugar in their tank."

I applaud any man gay or straight that does what makes them feel good, whether it's having a brew with the boys, getting a pedicure with your friends or significant other or tattooing your back. Your day will come when you too can be yourself.

Are You Giving Up Too Much Too Soon?

One Tuesday evening I treated my daughter to dinner at a restuarant to spend some quality time together but this was soon interupted by the conversation at the table across the patio.  Here was a young attractive women no more than 21, I assume becasue she had a drink, and a man who appeared to be in his mid thirties.  Aside from the fact that the woman was loud and I barely heard the man say more than two words.  By the end of dinner I knew that the woman had moved to Atlanta from St. Louis and had been here a little over a year.  She had dated an en-con who she and evidently his second baby momma (yes ,two of three, why do I know he has five babies by three different women) were still in love with.  She wants to be a nurse practioner and she works two and three jobs, one of which is at a strip club.  I assertained this is where the man met her, as she talked about how she started out as a server and ended up on the pole on occasion.  I sat concerned not only for my daughter's young ears but also for what this man and everyone around us thought of this woman. 

After an hour of dining I wanted to scream "stop talking, we all know too much about you."  We knew all of her stregnths and all of her weaknesses after one meal.  I thought of the many times I've made that same mistake in the past and how many women were somewhere making the same mistake. So to help out my fellow woman, here are some first date  don'ts:

Do not talk about your ex, even if you are still not over him or he's stalking you.  Besides he's your ex for a reason and if you are just out for the free meal no need to explain the psychology of your ex.

Do not give a play-by-play of your entire life, just bruush over the signifigant things,  i.e. where you grew up and where you went to school. There is no need to include that Ray Ray pulled your pig tails in the 4th grade.

Do not monopolize the conversation and let him get a word in.  You need to have more to say than "He's a good listener,"  to your friends when they ask how your date went.

Do not drink too much, not only does this loosen your tounge and lower your inhabitions but it opens up many posibilities of things to go wrong.  It's hard to recover from throw on a windsheild.

Do not talk on the phone, unless there is an emergency with your child or ailing grandmother nothing should distract you from your date.

Do not ask to many personal questions.  A male frind had a women ask him, why he k ept his son so much and needless to say that first date was a last date.

Lasty, do not  take away all of the mystery.  Leave some things to be discovered.

So if you are on a date and find yourself spewing information all over the place take a breath and just remember you have to have something to talk about on your secoond date.

Mimi